as i was laying there crying i thought of something anne lamott said in bird by bird. she was talking about how we all have these ugly voices in our heads telling us bad things about ourselves all the time. she also calls it K-Fucked radio...the constant radio station of negative thoughts that's on inside our heads. she said that what she does is, she visualizes shrinking down each person who is being a jerk to her to the size of a pinkie finger. then taking that person up by their shirt and putting them inside a jar. removing them from yourself. taking control of the negative crap being spewed out at you.
i think i'm learning how to start to do that, but it just takes time